A service provided by the BC Centre for Disease Control



Answered Questions

In the years since SmartSexResource launched, we have developed a library of questions asked by you, and answered by our expert sexual health nurses.

Our answered questions library cover a broad range of sexual health topics and common questions we hear at our clinics.

Pleasure (13)

i love being intimate with my boyfriend but for some reason i can never climax, even though it still feels good to me.

Hello, this is quite a common occurrence: you are not alone on this topic.
Before we can get to the matter exactly, there are a few questions one must ask themselves.

1) Have I ever reached “climax” on my own/by myself?
If yes, see question 2.

If no, this may be a good starting point. If you feel comfortable, it may be a good idea to explore your body and see what feels good for you so that you can tell your partner(s). This is great knowledge to
have and share. What stimulates someone to “climax” can also change and evolve over time.

2) How / in what ways, do I stimulate myself to reach “climax”.

3) Am I able to guide my partner, in the same way I stimulate myself, to help me “climax”

  It is important for one to know their own body for what feels good and what does not: everyone has their own erogenous zones. By exploring one’s own body, we are better equipped to guide our partner(s) into honing in on those spots and giving us maximum pleasure to “climax” (orgasm). If you’d like to explore some of your options it maybe of benefit speaking to a sexual therapist or counsellor.

Hi and thanks for your thoughts and resources on this… I am 47 and have been put on a waitlist for surgery to repair my organ prolapses that remain after my last vaginal birth (13 years ago). After trying pelvic physio, pessary etc, I was unable to find any other solution to address the incontinence and get active again. (Pelvic physiotherapist cautioned against running, or other high impact exercise because it shakes down everything in my vagina…it also feels awful because I can feel all the sagging tissues respond to the momentum.) The surgery I have been offered includes the repair of the vaginal walls with mesh as well as a hysterectomy. I have a lot of concerns about pursuing this surgery and cannot find resources that address my specific concerns. My main concern is about the function of my body related to sex after the recovery period has completed. Both in terms of actual function and in terms of sensitivity and pleasure. When I asked questions of my surgeon, he was quite dismissive, assuring me everything would be fine… I am a VERY sexually active person. Sex is not only my major form of recreation (I’m in an ethically non monogamous long term marriage) but is also related to the direction of my career as I explore using my body in my work through surrogate partner therapy and/or sex work. I can’t make decisions about my body lightly, as unexpected results could alter the course of my life in ways that might not impact someone who has a less active sex life. I would be very grateful for some advice, resources or suggestions for finding information that would be relevant to my concerns.


I have been able to speak with our doctor’s at our main STI clinic and can provide a brief summary of what they have suggested.

You are correct this type of surgical procedure you are looking at does carry some risk in regard to how it may change your sexual functioning in the future. I have been able to look at some research papers in regard to this and currently they believe 5 to 20 % of people undergoing surgery for stress incontinence or vaginal prolapse can experience a change in sexual functioning (positive or negative).

Given your concern with possible sexual side effects from any surgery our doctors are advising that it would be good to get a second opinion.
– You could see another Gynecologist to see if they have any other treatment suggestions.
– They also suggested that it would be good to explore Physiotherapy again. I have included a link to a local Physiotherapy and Pelvic Floor Clinic. This is a local clinic in the Vancouver area that uses Biofeedback to help people strengthen their pelvic floor.
Dayan Physiotherapy and Pelvic Floor Clinic

Let us know if you have any further questions or concerns.

Health Nurse

I am married my wife not interest sex how to self sex pls help me


Thanks for writing.

Every person’s desire for sex is different, and it can also change over the course of one’s lifetime. Sex drive can also be affected by health conditions, and stress.

Talking to your wife about her health, mental health, and stress may be a good idea.

In terms of having sex by yourself, there are lots of ways to have pleasure on your own.

As a starting point, have a look at our articles on Masturbation and Alternatives to Intercourse.

Another resource is: Jack In World. They have techniques, Q & A, and forums.

Hope this helps! Please let us know if you need any additional information.

Health Nurse

I want to experiment with fingering but I have never experienced any vaginal penetration before. How should I go about doing it so, I don’t hurt myself?

Learning about self-pleasure is important. Here are a few tips about masturbating with your fingers.

It is always a good idea to wash your hands before touching your (or other people’s) genitals, the same way you would wash your hands before eating.

Using your fingers for penetration does not usually hurt. You can trim your nails if they feel too sharp or long. 

Using some lubricant is also a good idea for fingering. Although most people produce some of their own sexual fluids, using lubricant enhances genital sensation and makes sure that the delicate genital skin is not pulled or pinched. To learn more about lubricants, click here.

We do not see people getting infections from fingering, although it would only be possible if you had someone else’s sexual fluids on your hands and then fingered yourself.

Take a look at our ‘Masturbation’ and ‘Pleasure’ pages to learn more.


Hi, I have a question about masturbation. I’ve recently tried to start fingering myself for the first time in my life and my finger doesn’t go in all the way or its really tough to. I am still a virgin so I don’t know if this is because my hymen is still in tact or if there is something wrong with my girl parts down there.. I live in Vancouver so I wanted to come into a clinic to maybe get a physical exam by one of the nurses just to check and see if everything is normal. But I am extremely nervous about what this exam entails and whether I could handle it because I haven’t experienced penetration before.. I understand it may be uncomfortable but I am nervous about any potential pain. When I do try to finger myself now there is no pain – I push in about an inch or so and then can’t go any farther because it feels like a spongy block is in the way. I really want to start learning about my own body and taking charge of my own pleasure so I feel that this is a really important thing for me to do. Thanks for any feedback.


I would recommend making an appointment at our provincial STI clinic just click here for information on the clinic and how to make an appointment.

The nurses that work at this clinic are experienced in sexual health matters and you can discuss topics about sexual health, masturbation, genitals etc.…

You could also discuss the exam with the nurse you see, just let them know what you are concerned about. In your situation, they will usually just do an examination of the external genital with no need to put anything in the Vagina. Just do what is comfortable for you, there is also no need for an exam if you just prefer to talk on your first visit.

With what you have described I am thinking that the spongy block you are hitting is your cervix. Everyone’s genitals are different with people having different size clitoris, labia and depth of the vaginal canal.

Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.

Health Nurse

For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.

i’m not sure if i’ve ever had an orgasm or climaxed. is that normal?


Yes, it is normal for people not to have an orgasm.

There is a small amount of people who have never been able to have an orgasm.

Most people can have an orgasm it just takes a bit of exploration to find out where and what type of touch works for you. Everyone is different.

Unfortunately there is a lot of shame and guilt around sex and masturbation in our society but masturbation is a great way to learn what feels good for you.

It also depends on your expectations as well. I am not sure what your gender is or what genitals you have but as an example most women who have vaginal sex do not have an orgasm from the sensation of just having vaginal sex. You wouldn’t think so as most movies and books show woman having orgasms when having vaginal sex. Many women require longer stimulation or stimulation of the clitoris at the same time to have an orgasm.

Have a look at our section on pleasure for more information.

Hope that answers your question. If not, please submit another one.

Health Nurse

my age is 19 aprox is it safe to do masturbation daily.


Yes, it is safe to masturbate daily.

Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.

Health Nurse

For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.

We should do the anal sex or not


It really depends on the person. Everyone is different and some people like anal sex and some people do not. People can also have a different preference depending on who their partner is.

Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.

Health Nurse

For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.

Can your clit desensitize over time of masturbation etc?

Hi there,

There is a common myth that masturbation will cause “desensitization” of the clitoris, but we have not seen any evidence that this can happen. Some people can experience some temporary numbness of the clitoris after sex or masturbation, but this will resolve quickly on its own. For many people, masturbation can actually help them to enjoy sex more, by allowing them to learn more about their bodes, sensations and preferences. 

Sexual pleasure and orgasms are complex and will change throughout our lives. Sometimes what used to “work” to bring us to orgasm stops feeling as good – this can be caused by physical, hormonal, or psychological changes, or a combination of all of these things. Usually, trying to relax, vary your technique and focus on what you’re feeling instead of the “goal” of orgasm will help things start to feel better again. 

Let us know if this answers your question,

Health Nurse

how many rounds dose a girl likes


I am not sure if I fully understand your question; if I get it wrong please submit another question or leave a comment.

I will answer this question:  how many times does a woman like to have vaginal sex where the man cums (ejaculates) and then gets another erection and has sex again.

It really depends on the person, and everyone is different. Some women really enjoy vaginal sex and some women do not like vaginal sex. Most women do not have orgasms when having penis-vaginal sex. Some woman also find that sex can become painful if it goes on for a long period of time.

Because everyone is different, you can only find out the answer by asking the women you are having sex with.

Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.

Health Nurse

For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.