A service provided by the BC Centre for Disease Control
In the years since SmartSexResource launched, we have developed a library of questions asked by you, and answered by our expert sexual health nurses.
Our answered questions library cover a broad range of sexual health topics and common questions we hear at our clinics.
Hello, this is quite a common occurrence: you are not alone on this topic.
Before we can get to the matter exactly, there are a few questions one must ask themselves.
1) Have I ever reached “climax” on my own/by myself?
If yes, see question 2.
If no, this may be a good starting point. If you feel comfortable, it may be a good idea to explore your body and see what feels good for you so that you can tell your partner(s). This is great knowledge to
have and share. What stimulates someone to “climax” can also change and evolve over time.
2) How / in what ways, do I stimulate myself to reach “climax”.
3) Am I able to guide my partner, in the same way I stimulate myself, to help me “climax”
It is important for one to know their own body for what feels good and what does not: everyone has their own erogenous zones. By exploring one’s own body, we are better equipped to guide our partner(s) into honing in on those spots and giving us maximum pleasure to “climax” (orgasm). If you’d like to explore some of your options it maybe of benefit speaking to a sexual therapist or counsellor.
Hi,
Thanks for writing.
Every person’s desire for sex is different, and it can also change over the course of one’s lifetime. Sex drive can also be affected by health conditions, and stress.
Talking to your wife about her health, mental health, and stress may be a good idea.
In terms of having sex by yourself, there are lots of ways to have pleasure on your own.
As a starting point, have a look at our articles on Masturbation and Alternatives to Intercourse.
Another resource is: Jack In World. They have techniques, Q & A, and forums.
Hope this helps! Please let us know if you need any additional information.
Health Nurse
Learning about self-pleasure is important. Here are a few tips about masturbating with your fingers.
It is always a good idea to wash your hands before touching your (or other people’s) genitals, the same way you would wash your hands before eating.
Using your fingers for penetration does not usually hurt. You can trim your nails if they feel too sharp or long.
Using some lubricant is also a good idea for fingering. Although most people produce some of their own sexual fluids, using lubricant enhances genital sensation and makes sure that the delicate genital skin is not pulled or pinched. To learn more about lubricants, click here.
We do not see people getting infections from fingering, although it would only be possible if you had someone else’s sexual fluids on your hands and then fingered yourself.
Take a look at our ‘Masturbation’ and ‘Pleasure’ pages to learn more.
Hi
I would recommend making an appointment at our provincial STI clinic just click here for information on the clinic and how to make an appointment.
The nurses that work at this clinic are experienced in sexual health matters and you can discuss topics about sexual health, masturbation, genitals etc.…
You could also discuss the exam with the nurse you see, just let them know what you are concerned about. In your situation, they will usually just do an examination of the external genital with no need to put anything in the Vagina. Just do what is comfortable for you, there is also no need for an exam if you just prefer to talk on your first visit.
With what you have described I am thinking that the spongy block you are hitting is your cervix. Everyone’s genitals are different with people having different size clitoris, labia and depth of the vaginal canal.
Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.
Health Nurse
For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.
Hi
Yes, it is normal for people not to have an orgasm.
There is a small amount of people who have never been able to have an orgasm.
Most people can have an orgasm it just takes a bit of exploration to find out where and what type of touch works for you. Everyone is different.
Unfortunately there is a lot of shame and guilt around sex and masturbation in our society but masturbation is a great way to learn what feels good for you.
It also depends on your expectations as well. I am not sure what your gender is or what genitals you have but as an example most women who have vaginal sex do not have an orgasm from the sensation of just having vaginal sex. You wouldn’t think so as most movies and books show woman having orgasms when having vaginal sex. Many women require longer stimulation or stimulation of the clitoris at the same time to have an orgasm.
Have a look at our section on pleasure for more information.
Hope that answers your question. If not, please submit another one.
Health Nurse
Hi
Yes, it is safe to masturbate daily.
Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.
Health Nurse
For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.
Hi
It really depends on the person. Everyone is different and some people like anal sex and some people do not. People can also have a different preference depending on who their partner is.
Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.
Health Nurse
For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.
Hi there,
There is a common myth that masturbation will cause “desensitization” of the clitoris, but we have not seen any evidence that this can happen. Some people can experience some temporary numbness of the clitoris after sex or masturbation, but this will resolve quickly on its own. For many people, masturbation can actually help them to enjoy sex more, by allowing them to learn more about their bodes, sensations and preferences.
Sexual pleasure and orgasms are complex and will change throughout our lives. Sometimes what used to “work” to bring us to orgasm stops feeling as good – this can be caused by physical, hormonal, or psychological changes, or a combination of all of these things. Usually, trying to relax, vary your technique and focus on what you’re feeling instead of the “goal” of orgasm will help things start to feel better again.
Let us know if this answers your question,
Health Nurse
Hi
I am not sure if I fully understand your question; if I get it wrong please submit another question or leave a comment.
I will answer this question: how many times does a woman like to have vaginal sex where the man cums (ejaculates) and then gets another erection and has sex again.
It really depends on the person, and everyone is different. Some women really enjoy vaginal sex and some women do not like vaginal sex. Most women do not have orgasms when having penis-vaginal sex. Some woman also find that sex can become painful if it goes on for a long period of time.
Because everyone is different, you can only find out the answer by asking the women you are having sex with.
Please leave a comment to let us know if this answers your question or if you need more information.
Health Nurse
For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.
Hi
Yes, it is normal to masturbate and it is also normal to have thoughts or fantasies of masturbating with others. These kinds of thoughts are part of a large range of normal sexual expressions. Some people practice this with others, and some people just fantasize about it.
Please leave a comment to let us know if that answers your question or if you need more information.
Health Nurse
For other readers, please feel free to leave a comment, or let us know if this was helpful.