A service provided by the BC Centre for Disease Control



Answered Questions

In the years since SmartSexResource launched, we have developed a library of questions asked by you, and answered by our expert sexual health nurses.

Our answered questions library cover a broad range of sexual health topics and common questions we hear at our clinics.

Sexuality (8)

i love being intimate with my boyfriend but for some reason i can never climax, even though it still feels good to me.

Hello, this is quite a common occurrence: you are not alone on this topic.
Before we can get to the matter exactly, there are a few questions one must ask themselves.

1) Have I ever reached “climax” on my own/by myself?
If yes, see question 2.

If no, this may be a good starting point. If you feel comfortable, it may be a good idea to explore your body and see what feels good for you so that you can tell your partner(s). This is great knowledge to
have and share. What stimulates someone to “climax” can also change and evolve over time.

2) How / in what ways, do I stimulate myself to reach “climax”.

3) Am I able to guide my partner, in the same way I stimulate myself, to help me “climax”

  It is important for one to know their own body for what feels good and what does not: everyone has their own erogenous zones. By exploring one’s own body, we are better equipped to guide our partner(s) into honing in on those spots and giving us maximum pleasure to “climax” (orgasm). If you’d like to explore some of your options it maybe of benefit speaking to a sexual therapist or counsellor.

Hi and thanks for your thoughts and resources on this… I am 47 and have been put on a waitlist for surgery to repair my organ prolapses that remain after my last vaginal birth (13 years ago). After trying pelvic physio, pessary etc, I was unable to find any other solution to address the incontinence and get active again. (Pelvic physiotherapist cautioned against running, or other high impact exercise because it shakes down everything in my vagina…it also feels awful because I can feel all the sagging tissues respond to the momentum.) The surgery I have been offered includes the repair of the vaginal walls with mesh as well as a hysterectomy. I have a lot of concerns about pursuing this surgery and cannot find resources that address my specific concerns. My main concern is about the function of my body related to sex after the recovery period has completed. Both in terms of actual function and in terms of sensitivity and pleasure. When I asked questions of my surgeon, he was quite dismissive, assuring me everything would be fine… I am a VERY sexually active person. Sex is not only my major form of recreation (I’m in an ethically non monogamous long term marriage) but is also related to the direction of my career as I explore using my body in my work through surrogate partner therapy and/or sex work. I can’t make decisions about my body lightly, as unexpected results could alter the course of my life in ways that might not impact someone who has a less active sex life. I would be very grateful for some advice, resources or suggestions for finding information that would be relevant to my concerns.


I have been able to speak with our doctor’s at our main STI clinic and can provide a brief summary of what they have suggested.

You are correct this type of surgical procedure you are looking at does carry some risk in regard to how it may change your sexual functioning in the future. I have been able to look at some research papers in regard to this and currently they believe 5 to 20 % of people undergoing surgery for stress incontinence or vaginal prolapse can experience a change in sexual functioning (positive or negative).

Given your concern with possible sexual side effects from any surgery our doctors are advising that it would be good to get a second opinion.
– You could see another Gynecologist to see if they have any other treatment suggestions.
– They also suggested that it would be good to explore Physiotherapy again. I have included a link to a local Physiotherapy and Pelvic Floor Clinic. This is a local clinic in the Vancouver area that uses Biofeedback to help people strengthen their pelvic floor.
Dayan Physiotherapy and Pelvic Floor Clinic

Let us know if you have any further questions or concerns.

Health Nurse

I have had a sex before 6 week with prostitutes By using condoms even condom was not break However I was feeling anxious from that day And after 3rd day of worrying I am feeling some itching and small rash some times I feel hot and feveroush but have no fever at all . When I see any deviation specially rash n itch I feel Very depressed


Thanks for writing. I’m sorry to hear about the symptoms and anxiety that you’re experiencing.

It’s very normal to have anxiety about sex. Lots of people have complicated emotions after having new sexual partners, or new sexual experiences. Some people will think that they “deserve” to get something because of having sex, but it’s not true.

Sex is a complicated topic for many people around the world, and there are many cultural taboos about sex. These cultural taboos can make us feel that sex is wrong or dangerous, even when we use condoms and have safe sex. However, having sex is not wrong. Having sex is a normal part of human life, and it’s not dangerous when you use protection or do low-risk activities, which is sounds like you are!

Regarding your symptoms… There are many things that cause itching and rashes. The rash is not necessarily related to the sexual encounters you’ve had. We would recommend seeing a healthcare professional in-person.

Hope this helps. Please let us know if this answers your question, or if you need more information.

Health Nurse


what age can i have sex???


Thanks for writing!

The age at which people have sex is different for every individual.

There are a few different things to consider when answering your question:

  • Youth age 12 can have sex with other youth age 12-14
  • Youth age 13 can have sex with other youth age 13-15
  • Youth age 14 can have sex with other youth age 14-18
  • Youth age 15 can have sex with other youth age 15-19
  • Youth age 16 can have sex with others age 14 or older, so long as their sexual partners are NOT in a position of power over the 16-year old (for example: teachers, coaches, family members, care takers etc.)
  • Youth age 17 can have sex with others age 15 or older, so long as their sexual partners are NOT in a position of power over the 16-year old (for example: teachers, coaches, family members, care takers etc.)
  • Youth age 18 can have sex with others age 15 or older.

However, age is not the only factor when it comes to having sex. Understanding consent and relationships are critical as well!

Check-out these links for more information:

Sex Readiness Checklist

Am I ready for Sex?

Sex and the Internet

Sex and the Law

Lastly, there is no age minimum for masturbation. Exploring what feels good by yourself can be first step to enjoying sex with others.

Hope this answers your questions. Please feel free to submit another question, or leave a comment!

Health Nurse

Sex possible


I’m not sure I understand your question or comment. Can you tell us more about what you mean?

Health Nurse

What is sex?


I would suggest having a look at the Scarleteen website, they specialise in sex ed and actually have a section called What’s Sex? 

Let us know if you have any more questions or concerns.

Health Nurse

I want to experiment with fingering but I have never experienced any vaginal penetration before. How should I go about doing it so, I don’t hurt myself?

Learning about self-pleasure is important. Here are a few tips about masturbating with your fingers.

It is always a good idea to wash your hands before touching your (or other people’s) genitals, the same way you would wash your hands before eating.

Using your fingers for penetration does not usually hurt. You can trim your nails if they feel too sharp or long. 

Using some lubricant is also a good idea for fingering. Although most people produce some of their own sexual fluids, using lubricant enhances genital sensation and makes sure that the delicate genital skin is not pulled or pinched. To learn more about lubricants, click here.

We do not see people getting infections from fingering, although it would only be possible if you had someone else’s sexual fluids on your hands and then fingered yourself.

Take a look at our ‘Masturbation’ and ‘Pleasure’ pages to learn more.


A doctor at a walk-in clinic diagnosed me with Molluscum contagiosum. Should I see another doctor to confirm this diagnosis of Molluscum contagiosum, I just don’t want there to be a mistake as I thought they were warts. Is it pretty easy to tell warts and Molluscum contagiosum apart. As soon as he saw them he new they were Molluscum contagiosum, so should I be worried?


Thanks for writing.

It sounds like the doctor you saw was pretty confident when diagnosing the Molluscum. Every doctor has different specialities and experiences, and if the doctor you saw doesn’t have a lot of experience with genital warts or Molluscum it’s possible that there was a miss diagnosis. However, Molluscum is very common and it would not be unusual to be diagnosed with it.

Without seeing you in person it is hard for me to confirm the diagnosis you have been given, but here is some general information:

Molluscum Contagiosum is a virus that can be passed through skin-to-skin contact. It usually appears as round bumps with a small indent in the centre of the bump (almost like a ‘donut’). Molluscum can also have a white head in the centre of the bump. Molluscum can appear anywhere on the body, including: genitals, buttocks, stomach, legs, arms, neck, face. The bumps are painless but often feel itchy.

Genital warts are also caused by a virus that is passed through skin-to-skin contact. Warts usually appear as oddly-shaped textured bumps, and are often confused with skin tags. Genital warts only appear on the genitals and do not occur on the stomach, legs, arms, neck, or face. Genital warts are painless and usually not itchy.

Generally, Molluscum Contagiosum is not dangerous, and you should not be worried. The virus can be treated (either with a light spray of liquid nitrogen or by “unroofing” the bumps), and once the virus is gone it does not stay in the body (unlike genital warts and HPV). While the bumps are present it is possible to pass the virus to another person or to other parts of your body. To lessen the chance of spreading the virus to other parts of your body it’s best to avoid shaving that area until the bumps are gone. Also, after showering/bathing it’s a good idea to use a separate towel when drying the area of your body where the bumps are, as using the same towel on all of your body can spread the bumps.

If you’d like a second opinion you can always go to an STI clinic for a consult. Check out our Clinic Finder to access an STI clinic near you.

Hope this helps! Please feel free to submit another question and/or comment below if you need more clarification.

Health Nurse